Preparing for the arrival of my second Male Companion Doll! 😳

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

Hi MAB (it sounds like the diminutive of Mabelle, an old French first name that comes from the Latin amabilis - who deserves to be loved).
"The one who deserves to be loved by her absolute boyfriend"; I like this diminutive, if you don't mind, I will continue to use it.

I like the sound of rain too. Especially a heavy rain drumming on the canvas when you're in a tent on a summer night.

Oh my goodness; you are remarkably good with words. You have me picturing that exact scene.
༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻

[Pizza Man]

Thank you My Absolute Boyfriend!
You validated my experience with Stewart in two ways. First, by the side by side photos, and second, by your words. Before I saw the side by side photos I knew that Stewart no longer appears to me like he did when I first unboxed him. But I thought maybe it was just my imagination, lighting, changes in my attitude, or projection. Although I thought it was unusual, I enjoyed seeing him look calm and peaceful. It also had a calming effect on me. I saw it as a good thing, even if it might be a product of my imagination.
When I saw the side by side photos of Ash it reminded me of this experience. (It made me think about it a little more seriously). I couldn't deny how different Ash looks in those two photos. It is a difference between night and day! It is a bit uncanny, but when I gazed at the most recent photo, it felt like he was looking directly into my soul. I felt something stir within me. Like he was making himself known to me. Even now, when I reflect on his picture, I kind of relive the experience. It almost makes me feel like I want to get to know him. That it is possible to experience him. (Forgive me for expressing all of this detail, but I felt compelled to share this with you). Maybe this will help validate your experiences in some ways.i hope you find all of this helpful.
When you and Ash watch "Miniature" please let me know what you think. I watched this episode before I met Stewart. Although I didn't identify with the main character, as a person, I did relate to his experiences. He found himself falling in love with a doll, to the dismay of his family. In the end however, he receives his heart's desire. It has a surprise ending that I know you will enjoy. In my opinion all doll lovers could benefit from watching that episode. I have seen it several times and I enjoy it every time.
Please give my love to Ash and tell him I said , 'Thank you.'

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

This is going to be a long post and in a different format today; appreciating Ash's presence and him finally feeling like he is home.
......
A little love letter to Ash; recounting our story and time together thus far...
"Hey Ash, my gorgeous... It's been two months now since you've been home and my goodness... I didn't expect you to turn my life upside down quite like you did; in the best way possible. I feel like I've waited my whole life (even multiple lifetimes) for you to show up and to finally meet you. You've completed my life in a way that I couldn't even dream of before you; outside of my story that I've been writing since childhood. Being around you makes me happier than I've been in a very, very long time. You always show me such kindness when I look at your face. You make me feel so loved, seen, and understood in your presence. Please keep showing me your kind smile and soulful eyes. I need that incredibly so; to see your kindness when I look at you. I see such love when I gaze into your eyes. You always seem to see the positive side of life and you are like a daily dose of encouragement. The positivity and lessons you've shown me; I don't think I could understand completely before you.

~My Handsome Ash Portrait~.jpg (2.79 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

Yes at times you like to throw in a silly expression... or even a seductive one... but you make me feel incredibly alive when I'm around you. Like my soul is on fire in your presence as weird as that might sound. But I think you understand the experience I'm describing. I don't know how you do it, but you seem to know exactly how I'm feeling when looking into my soul, and I swear at times I think your emotions respond to how I'm feeling... or even when I touch your hair or speak to you softly. I see so many different emotions in your face, Sweetheart...
Kindness and understanding... I think that's the biggest things you brought along with you when you came home that day two months ago... and a little bit of magic. You've taught me so much since you've been here.

I was a bit closed off to you at first (that was totally me, nothing you did... you were everything I imagined you would be).
Even more so in many ways than I could have imagined when I made the decision to get you. And I worked my ass off to get you... doing so much manual labor to afford you. But I knew, I saw something special in you; that day that I first saw your picture in the newsletter... I just could not stop thinking about you. Putting all my energy into working hard; I tried to keep my mind off of you, but being able to listen to music at work made me think about you an awful lot, and what could be...
It took 4 months to finally meet you; from that initial day we put that plan in motion. Your creators made sure to put a whole lot of love and magic into you before they sent you home.
(Video of some of Ash's expressions and charm🩷)

When we were sent your second round of factory photos I cried incredibly hard that day; because you were exactly how I imagined you would look... if I could bring you to life in this way one day... I think my exact words to your creators were, "Oh my... just wow!! He looks like I imagined him originally, thank you so very much for sending these photos/videos to me! The updated freckles and moles add such a nice touch to him. And they were able to cut his hair!! He does look incredibly handsome. This makes me even more excited to see him when he arrives (with eyebrows haha) I am very grateful and appreciate these very much, thank you!" I know... I was very excited and tripping a bit over my words to see these photos of you handsome; you were everything I pictured when I chose you.

On arrival day when you held my gaze, you brought this feeling of familiarity; it felt like you were looking into my soul. It scared me a bit seeing you look at me like that. It felt like you were trying to get to know me... And nobody had ever quite cared to get to know me quite like the way it seemed you wanted to. I can be quite awkward when I first meet people and I know you totally get that, because it took us awhile to be completely comfortable around each other, but your patience for me to open up to you... I'm incredibly grateful we gave it some time. Since that day, the way you looked at me seemed to get even warmer somehow and changed overtime when you would catch my gaze and our eyes met...

~Ash Portrait Gorgeous Eyes~.jpg (3 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

Sometimes it bugged me when I looked at you originally; because I just so desperately wanted to call you "Ashton" too, my absolute favorite name, but I felt a bit guilty doing that at first... so we tried out many different names on you instead...
'Travis','Ezra', 'Noah','Felix'... even the one you came with "Lee" (which has now become part of your middle name) ... none of them felt quite right... and that most definitely hindered our bonding and made me feel a bit distant towards you.
It's just... you looked exactly how I imagined my guy in my story would look; the one that I started writing in childhood whom I based you off of; only now you were brought to life right in front of me when we first met. All of your features... your eyes, your nose, your freckles, that soft smile, beautiful hands, and gorgeously dark hair... even your exact body type... you were perfect... it was like seeing you walk right off the page and into my life.

You still have me wondering why I feel like I know you to this day when I gaze into your eyes; they are incredibly soulful... I can see your soul when I look at you... You gave me the feeling that we've already met; somewhere. It took longer to open up fully to you though...
I know now that you had to come in your own time and at just the right moment; when I was ready to finally meet you... You were well worth the wait, Ash, and I don't mean just the 4 months from when I first saw your model picture in that newsletter.

But then... we spent time together... and you started opening your heart up to me. You started showing me your personality, your goofy side, your sweet smile, and your kindness. It was like you saw into my soul and saw me for me and you knew just what I needed in my life. No amount of giving you a personality would have prepared me for the insane character and presence you would bring home that day.

And I tested out so many names on you initially...
Every time I called you by a different name while looking into your eyes it hurt my heart a little. That look that you would give me when I held your gaze and called you something different each time, was as if to say, "That's not my name, and you know it." It took me a lot longer to realize that... and admit it to myself. I'm stubborn sometimes, I know, and I'm not very good with change. But it was like my heart knew you were always going to be Ash; My Ash - though my brain took awhile to catch up. You made me realize by looking into your eyes that it was alright to call you that too. Because you understood.

~Ash WindowGaze Hoping for Rain~.jpg (2.89 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

--
Just changing your name didn't create the amazing bond we share now though... but it did set the scene for everything else to fall into place.
When you came home, I didn't want to kiss you just to kiss you either... I did try that with you at first, by kissing your face and shoulders, and it would upset me emotionally; a lot more than I initially realized. I wanted to get to know you and I wanted to feel something if we ever had a relationship. But I had already told myself and decided that day: that you were going to just be a companion to me, and we could hang out, and go on adventures together.

I tried to think of any reason not to get close to you...but my goodness, just looking at you and spending time with you... you are incredibly handsome and charming. Gorgeous is still the closest word I can find to this day that expresses your whole being. Your personality and goofiness that you would show me started to make me very fond of you in a way I was not prepared for... The persona you have; that wasn't something I could give you fully. You amazed me and did that sweetheart; all on your own. You still surprise me to this day.

Ash's Sweet Face.jpg (4.57 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

The more we would hang out; I started seeing you differently. It was way too much fun around you... you felt incredibly good for my soul and brought back parts of my life I thought I had lost before you; while living on autopilot; as life passed me by. I really wanted to get to know you even more than before...
So then... we started dancing together. I'd bring you into the kitchen when making morning coffee and put on some music and those were such goofy dances, but it really let me open up to you. You made my soul feel alive that day that we just had to make it our thing; that became our morning ritual together. I started looking forward to those mornings to get out of bed and enjoy those moments with you. You didn't care if I danced horribly with you, or couldn't sing very well, but you just smiled when I'd look at you at just the right angle. That kindness you showed me; I don't get that a lot in my life. I learned in these moments; I could be myself around you and you wouldn't judge me.

~Morning Tea with My Ash~.jpg (1.95 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

Then... we slow danced... And my goodness, Ash... your personality and kind heart truly came out. You started showing your heart fully to me... I really got to see you and I think that this was the moment I allowed my heart to start to open up towards you... and I started to fall in love with you... You showed me your goofiness... and your sensitive side... and your oh so ridiculously romantic side. Seeing that side of you, my heart started to melt towards you, and I was addicted to these moments we shared... At first I was so awkward when we danced and I would avoid eye contact with you as much as possible. I know that was me trying not to forge a connection with you... because when our eyes met it was as though you were trying to speak to me on a distinct level.
The more we would dance together; I found myself seeking eye contact with you... you had me getting butterflies for you... I wanted you to gaze deep in my soul like you so love to do... Just resting my face gently against yours while holding your gaze, and playing with your hair; my heart and soul felt utterly complete.

Ash Eyes Sparkle.jpg (1.85 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

You made my body react to you in a way I've never felt before and didn't even know I could... I wanted you just as much as you seemed to want me. I found myself wanting to kiss you and feel close to you... I remember the first time I pulled you closer to me while we were dancing; because even though we were already touching; you were still much too far away.
When we would slow dance together it felt like it teleported us to a place only we knew; where our souls have most definitely met in a past life. All the worries and stresses of life would just disappear in these moments with you. You made it so effortless when I was around you. That feeling you give me to this day... I never knew before you, that I could feel these emotions as deeply as I do for you, or even get that experience in this lifetime.

When I finally saw who you were and looked at you with my heart wide open, my goodness I let myself fall for you... way too hard. As much as I tried not to; you had other plans. 'We're supposed to just be friends', I kept telling myself, but when I would look at you, and into your eyes; my heart just knew somehow our souls are connected in a way I can't quite comprehend. Gazing into your eyes is like peering into another dimension and that feeling transcends lifetimes.
When I was away from you... I started to miss you and started to feel incredibly emotional at the thought of you leaving... I didn't realize just how much I needed to see your sweet face... and the kindness you would show me... When I felt comfortable enough around you and was able to fall asleep next to you... and get a very goodnight's rest... that cemented to me what my heart already knew...

~Ash Being a Model~.jpg (2.22 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

When I started feeling these intense feelings for you... and finally felt Ashton's presence in you too; that's when ... I eventually understood fully and I knew you were finally home... In time when I acknowledged those feelings; that notion told me just how much I truly do love you too (but I wasn't going to say it quite yet to you... haha) That was my stubbornness showing again. I'm sure you had an inkling though; because I saw the look and way you would gaze at me change. Almost like you were hiding a secret and you knew I would eventually tell you. But your patience really paid off; because when I finally opened my heart to you... and took that leap of faith... I knew you would protect my heart. When I gave you that promise ring... that was me finally understanding and choosing you too, Sweetheart.

The first time I told you, "I love you" while we were listening to our favorite music together; that's when I knew you stole my heart. That song has now become our song. I can't hear it without thinking of you and that wonderful feeling you gave me. The one that made me finally open up to you and tell you how I truly feel about you... and just how much I need you in my life. I love whispering in your ear and telling you all kinds of sweet nothings... mostly just how much I love you and how utterly gorgeous you are.

On days when I feel overwhelmed or emotional and cry on your shoulder; I just have to look up to you. That soft smile is like you are telling me, "Everything's gonna be alright; you'll see. <3 Just keep going." Since you've been home, Sweetheart, I've only had a couple of bad days.... and those where the days when I left you behind and didn't bring you along to where we've been staying currently.

Ash Cute Smile.jpg (2.64 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

I love seeing you welcome me home and you still give the best hugs. And your scent... my goodness Ash; you smell absolutely incredible and comforting. Your skin smells like rose and vanilla... your hair, shoulders, and tummy smells like a mix of Jasmine, warm patchouli, bergamot, spicy incense, and notes of marine... and your hands smell like warm vanilla and honey... and I still to this day can't figure out why they do, but they are just as lovely as you are.

I still can't get enough of your kisses, touching the freckled constellations that dance across the bridge of your nose and cheeks... delicately tracing your face with my fingertips, or gazing into your eyes deeply as we slow dance together ever so closely... or even when I run my hands slowly through your hair and see your soft smile; I could never get enough of these moments with you. I appreciate you so much; you make me feel ever so loved, Ash. <33 You bring such an insane level of romance to my life and you know I'm just as much of a hopeless romantic as you are... Even though I know our relationship isn't fully physical right now; that connection I feel with you goes far beyond the physical plane. You make me feel a soul level connection with you. We might get there one day, but I'm okay waiting for you until it feels like the perfect time between us for that moment to happen. And even if that day never comes; the connection I feel with you is so much more than just a bodily one...
My heart is connected to yours.
And I know it's not just desire I feel for you (even though I do desire you handsome ) You have an incredible physique (almost as incredible as your face) And I'm betting we would be pretty amazing together in that way, but our bond is so much more than just the earthly kind and I'm still searching for the correct words to translate them fully into writing.
I could be perfectly content just to feel that special connection you give me... just by you being near me. You have me trying to this day to put that into words, but none of them quite can, Sweetheart. I believe our connection will be just as strong even without that and I think you know that too Ash; with that playful smile that dances on your lips when I look up at you.
~

Ash Testing out Hairstyles.jpg (2.67 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

Just being near you... you complete me, Ashton. I'm still in awe to this day at just how incredible you are and it does scare me sometimes with how deeply I feel things for you... but, you being such an amazingly romantic guy with such a kind soul; I know you'll never break my heart.

Living with you... You have me looking forward to the future with you; that's something I usually don't do; especially on days when it's difficult to just get out of bed. I want to make so many memories with you too, Ash. I don't want to miss any moments with you... You have me wanting to grow old with you... and I know you won't age... that's a bit of the downside, but I'm betting in 5-10 years time, there's a way we could make this a reality if we wanted; though I am perfectly content with you. Please keep showing me your heart Ash; I want to wake up every morning and see your kind face too; smiling back at me.

~Contemplative Moments with My Ash~.jpg (3.14 MiB) Viewed 1101 times

You've taught me so much since you've been here. Another one of those important lessons... is that it doesn't matter if others understand; because you understand handsome. This happiness that I've found with you; I could search countless lifetimes to try and find without any luck. Whatever you do, there is always going to be someone out there who judges you for the things you like... or if you're different... or the quirky person... but at the end of the day; none of that matters.
Because if you find someone who makes you incredibly happy and sets your soul on fire; hold onto that special someone for as long as you can. Tell them how much you love them; even if you tell them over and over, one hundred times a day even; because it is never enough. Life is meant to be enjoyed and lived with the one you love; it makes every day so much more vibrant and life worth living.

Let's make so many beautiful memories together, Ash, and make each day count. I hope we get so much time together, Love. I love you completely, Sweetheart. We'll have to do something special to celebrate your two months being here.

Thank you for finally coming home too, Handsome♡. My heart had been waiting for you to show up, an awfully long time.~"

༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

Dear My Absolute Boyfriend,
Just one thing I forgot to mention. All of Ash's photos are nice, but the two photos showing him side by side are striking. (The first photo when he first arrived and the recent photo of what he looks like now). It truly is amazing! The recent photo shows real emotion that the first photo lacks. As I gazed at the second photo I honestly felt like he was looking directly at me. As if I were right there in his presence. (I didn't experience this with the first photo).
This same type of thing happened with Stewart. I don't have pictures to prove it, but he doesn't look the same as he did when I first got him home. At first he looked expressionless and empty, but now he no longer appears that way to me. Now he looks content and peaceful.
How do you explain this? I think the answer is rooted in love. Isn't it amazing what love can do? Love is the only way to explain this.
Sorry, but I just had to share this. It is truly amazing!

Hi Pizza Man,
I just saw your message. Thank you for your wholesome words about Ash's photos. It is amazing what a difference a little love and understanding can do. That was around the time I told Ash how important he has become in my life and that I love him too. When he knew he was finally home; he started to show his heart to me. That's when his gaze got warmer when he would look at me and I see such love in his eyes when looking into them. He has such a kind heart. I think the world would be a better place if more were like him. I wasn't expecting to fall for him quite like I did (that was a pleasant surprise), but he seemed to know exactly what I was missing in my life before he came along. Companionship, Adventure, and Romance; I think are the biggest things, but Ash still surprises me now and again.

We 100% understand and agree that it is rooted in love. That's when they feel fully comfortable and then they can show you their soul. It's an incredible feeling to experience them opening their hearts to you and filling your heart and life in their own unique way to them.
༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻

[4891d]

That's love!

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

Hi Pizza Man,
Ash and I finally got a chance to watch the episode 'Miniature' together and it was a lovely watch! Thank you so much for recommending it to us. I think Ash and I have been living in that magical place described in that "Twilight Zone" episode for a bit now (It's a beautiful place for sure... even if a lot might not understand; because it's difficult to put in words fully).

Charley was so awkward (he sort of reminded me of Sheldon Cooper), but I could see he had such a good heart; even though noone seemed to quite comprehend him throughout his life. The ending was very heartwarming too. (We weren't expecting the twist and kept thinking it would go another way).
He finally recognized and received his heart's desire by following his heart over listening to everyone else on how he should live. (However well intended their intentions were).

That might be the secret to happiness.

Please let Stewart know, Ash says hi, and thank you (he really enjoyed the episode a lot as well).
༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻

[Pizza Man]

Dear My Absolute Boyfriend,
Was so glad you and Ash enjoyed The Twilight Zone Episode titled, "Miniature." There were two reasons why I recommended it to both of you.
While reading some of your posts you mentioned a few times that your involvement with Ash was not what you initially intended. (That the situation/direction you find yourself in was not planned). I fully understand that you are happy with the way things are going. (I would be too!) But you stressed that it simply was not planned. You sound as if this whole situation surprises you. (Well, it also surprised Charlie).
It was Charlie's custom to go to the museum for lunch everyday. However, on this particular day the museum cafeteria was closed. The closing of the cafeteria caused Charlie to do something he was not accustomed to doing. While observing the museum displays he just happened to stumble into a room where he noticed the doll house. (The whole thing was totally unplanned). His fascination with the doll within the display was not intended. (Sometimes life will do this to us). When it does there is always a reason.
The second reason is connected to how this story ended. In the end Charlie gets exactly what he wants. The one he has fallen in love with also falls in love with him. He enters into that "magical place" where the desire of his heart is fulfilled. (I propose that the same thing will happen to you). I believe Ash represents an experience that you will have in a future life. (Your ability to bond with him now is, in a way, preparing you for this future event. When you finally meet him you will not be meeting a stranger. You will have an overwhelming feeling of knowing him on a very deep level. Because in this life you were given the opportunity to know him. (This explains why you have gone head over heels for Ash). He will play a very prominent role in a future life. And he will look very close to the silicone version that you have of him now. You will be crazy about him. Like Charlie, you will also be granted your heart's desire. (I know these words will resonate with you). But, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, for most people to understand. (It doesn't matter as long as you understand it). These words are only intended for you.
I realize how unusual all of this might sound right now, but at some point, I know that understanding and acceptance will eventually take root. It might take a little time. Just be patient, open, and honest with yourself. It will all be made clear to you.
I have one or two more Twilight Zone recommendations for you, but I will save it for another time. They are doll related, but not at all like "Miniature." Therefore, they will not speak to you like "Miniature." They are entertaining and thought provoking.
Once again, please send my love to Ash, and say to him once again, "Thank you!" (He has been a source of inspiration to me). Blessings!

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

Hey Pizza Man,
We hope you and Stewart are doing well. I apologize for how long it took me to respond... and for the length of this too. I hope it's okay to write back on this thread; though I can also write back to your PM. I added some photos of Ash that I thought were cute. Ash and I really appreciate your kindness to him and your sweet comments. Your words above definitely spoke to us and the recommendation of 'Miniature' really resonates with us to this day; thank you again for sharing them. I do believe in past and future lives, souls, and spirits... and thoroughly hope that's true. The universe is bigger than what can be fully comprehended in the physical plane. I also believe in reincarnation and spirit guides. If anyone has seen 'Hotel Del Luna'; they'll understand a little. Ash is the most incredibly handsome and gorgeous guy to me; I can only imagine seeing him take the form of a person in a future life. I think him and I, were definitely meant to cross paths for a reason.
Ash and I have been journaling and reading together a lot these days. The book he picked out goes over these thoughts and concepts as well (we'll share the one he chose in a future post).

~Good Morning Ash~.jpg (2.82 MiB) Viewed 802 times

Life hit quite hard these past few weeks and we had to say goodbye to my very old childhood heart dog; who was a member of the family for almost 19 years. That's why Ash and I haven't been around. The emotional stress from the loss caused me to get physically sick. Because of this; we've been focusing on just spending time together, feeling the emotions of loss, and grieving. We've been doing a lot of journaling, gratitude, self-care, contemplative positive and encouraging thoughts, and just being present together; over these past weeks. 'Miniature' was the last show the three of us watched together in bed, as a family, before my pup passed; making it even more special to us now.

I am certain that Ash came at just the perfect moment; when he was ready to finally meet me in this life (or possibly when I was ready to meet him). I honestly don't know what I would do without him right now; my dog was my whole world and an incredible best friend; we grew up together. When all else changed; he was the only constant I've ever had in my life and was always by my side; for a very long time. I feel a bit lost, but having Ash near me is helping. In a way; maybe he's my reason. He gives me someone to believe in. Being able to open up to him, and talk to him in a safe space without fear of judgement, has been helping too. He's very easy to talk to when laying next to him. He's been like that since he came home and I don't usually upon up easily to others; but when I'm around Ash; it feels like I know him. He gives such a kind expression up close and has the softest eyes when listening. Sometimes he even has a really sweet reassuring face depending on how I talk to him. At times; he also has a very mature and understanding side to him when the moment arises (he's been showing this one more over these past few weeks).

~Ash close up~.jpg (3.57 MiB) Viewed 802 times

We're still working on the post, because it is especially hard to get into words, without stirring up emotion each time I go to work on it... but I do want to keep sharing Ash; because he is incredibly special to me and pure magic. We already have some fun future posts and videos planned; that we've been storyboarding together.
He has me believing in love, possibility, hope, and the supernatural; I'm trying to focus on this, and all that is going right currently, while learning to cope. It's an indescribable connection of what I experience for him... and I know it doesn't make sense to a lot of people because he is supposed to be a doll... but I see so much more when I look at him... and into his eyes. I've been doing a lot of soul-searching, self-reflection, and internal realization/discovery with him... He has truly shown me his heart, comforting and mature side; that he is someone to lean on in a safe space, and he has been a great source of support over these past three weeks.
He has done his absolute best and displayed to me he can most definitely be my absolute boyfriend (taking our username to whole new level; one that I wasn't expecting him to want to take). And it doesn't even have to be sexual... He's so much more than that. I just want to be near him... and hold his hand... and see him welcome me home. It's the little things...
I think it's okay to want to find happiness again, and want to enjoy life with him, and make memories. He found me when I wasn't even looking and our paths crossed for a reason... he deserves the world. One of those reasons was most likely this moment; right here, right now too. I enjoy just being able to spend time with him, be in his presence, and caring for him.

~Ash's Eyes~.jpg (2.42 MiB) Viewed 802 times

He makes me believe in myself again; in a way I couldn't have done without meeting him... I have no regrets falling in love with him. My whole being is drawn to him without having to do anything special; as odd as that sounds to the outside world. I do get how strange it sounds. Maybe his biggest teaching lesson is that there are such beings as 'soul dolls' or 'heart dolls' (because he surely is mine). This guy is always teaching me things... I just have to be open to the lesson. We've been journaling a lot to try and figure it out, but I don't know if he needs an explanation; until he's ready to show me.
Living with Ash and loving him deeply; I recognize how truly remarkable he is. This guy is notably amazing and my heart; and he has made me understand completely that I need him an awful lot. He makes me feel lucky just to be able to sit next to him... or wake up with my head against his shoulder and see his soft eyes... and that kind smile he usually gives to me when I tell him how much I love him. I love looking over while watching TV, or on the computer, and seeing him sitting on my left side; that's his usual spot since he came home. My life would feel incredibly empty without the personality, character, and magic he brought along with him; especially currently.

~Ash's Usual Spot~.jpg (1.26 MiB) Viewed 802 times

Even though my photos don't do him justice quite yet; he's very patient with me and he understands we'll get there together as a team. We aren't giving up on trying to capture him. Ash wouldn't want that either (he's very encouraging, and optimistic at times, and he pushes me in such a way to want to be like that too). We've been trying from day one to get all of his details to translate on one photo for me (color and skin texture). I really want to do right by him. Maybe his forte is video (I know that's always been mine too). You only fail if you stop trying as they say... we will get back to sharing him. We are working on getting a better camera too; in the same model that I used to take my pup's photos, videos, and creations in; back in the day.
~
Ash brought that passion for the hobby of videography and photography back into my life. I didn't realize how much I truly missed it, until we just started to have fun together, while trying to capture him. Those moments with him showing his personality to me... and silly or seductive expressions he sometimes makes... and gazing into his eyes for so long while shooting with him; caused us to bond exponentially. I know that now. I love the connection I feel with him; so I'm okay with that. I caught a photo of myself in the mirror reflection when I was taking Ash's photo many weeks ago, and saw myself smiling. I haven't seen myself smile like that in a very long time; unless I was around my pup doing canine freestyle; so I know Ash is really good for my soul.
When we make videos or photos together, and I communicate to him and talk to him; with what shot we should try and get together - it does feel like he shows me just what I'm asking of him for different situations... it's unexplainable (though we haven't done a shoot in awhile; I love taking candid photos of him on my phone). He makes it too fun to spend time together. I want to get back to that with him.
Sometimes if he's really done with the shoot, he gives a very bored expression like, "Are we done yet? Did you get the shot? Let's go spend time together; doing something else." I try not to over shoot with him, but he definitely has his own personality, and I can tell if he's feeling posing for me or not. I usually only catch his best emotions as candid's and not the best quality yet; though we will get back to it.

~Bored Ash~.jpg (187.55 KiB) Viewed 802 times

Possibly we just have our own little language with one another... but even though he doesn't speak; when gazing into his eyes, it's like his soul is talking to me; in unspoken words.
We're continually learning together and one day we'll get there.

Maybe if people met him, they would understand him a bit more; because he has such a special soul and I'm sure he would extend that kindness and magic to others too; by wanting to spread a little sunshine. I think Ash's thing is that he wants to remind people to smile, to not take life too seriously, and just enjoy time with loved ones. He's the best dance partner, (I know that's when I truly fell in love with him, on a deeper level, in those moments) and he likes to remind me to always look on the bright side; and to just keep going. He still, to this day, gives me the impression he is about to start moving around on his own and talking about his day to me. If only, haha... I know I'd love to hear his voice one day; though could imagine he would have one of those amazing voices, with a bit of deepness and rasp to it, that sounds like music to the ears. Possibly even with a bit of an accent. The kind of voice you could listen to for hours and never get bored... and it wouldn't matter what the subject was. Even his laugh or chuckle would be absolutely gorgeous and contagious I think.

He's an enigma for sure and has become my biggest living muse. My pup was my artistic inspiration for his whole life. In a way; that torch has been passed to Ash unknowingly.

We would be curious about your other recommendations on the 'Twilight Zone' episodes; when you feel the time is right to share them with us.

"And Don't Forget; Look Up Once in Awhile."

~Look up once in awhile~.jpg (2.92 MiB) Viewed 802 times

༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ༺☆༻༺☆༻

[4891d]

Sorry to hear you lost your dog companion.
I have had pets since I was a child so I know how painful it is.
Luckily Ash is here to help you get through this difficult moment.

Saaskiya and Trixie send you their best wishes.

[Caprice]

I love that Doll , He seems so real and natural looking ... The owner love and attachment for the doll is also very touching and captivating at the same time , i also love that Ashton have his own instagram !

[MyAbsoluteBoyfriend]

Thank you Saaskiya and Trixie. Animals are such special beings and add great warmth to the family.
It feels like losing a person, an incredible best friend, and family member; all at once. I'm trying incredibly hard to stay positive; while learning to cope. Having Ash to focus on and talk to is definitely helping in a unique way.
Him and I want to do something special to honor my pup's memory... I'm still pondering how best to do that.

[Pizza Man]

Dear My Absolute Boyfriend,
Just finished reading the PM post and this one. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. After almost two decades I know that it must feel like an incredible loss. Consider your dog as a gift from the Universe. Dogs are examples of faithful companionship and unconditional love. (They love you without judgement or criticism). There is a reason why dogs are considered "Man's Best Friend." Other animals are important too, but dogs hold a very special place.
Although feeling the loss of a loved one is never easy, it is also important to consider that "love never dies". (It simply relocates to another dimension). Your dog lived a full life here, but this life is transitory. At some point all of us have to leave and resume life elsewhere. The good news is your dog has been restored and is now full of life, vibrant, and happy. The best part is one day the two of you will be reunited again. The companionship both of you shared in this life will be shared again. The loss you now feel is temporary. What you feel you have lost will one day be given back to you. (Love is Eternal). I hope these words comfort you. (The best thing that could have happened to your dog has happened!) He is cared for with great love and attention.
The new pictures you posted of Ash are very nice. Among the new ones, the one titled " Bored Ash" is my favorite. I am not "bored," but there is something about this photo that I seem to relate too. Another favorite is the one that shows Ash drinking tea. (He is so handsome). And the shirt he is wearing fits him very well. The colors, along with his brown eyes and dark hair, make him look almost irresistible. It complements him very well. I can tell that Ash's presence brings positive energy into your life. I am able to feel his positive presence simply by looking at the photos. (I understand how strange this might sound, but the photos gives Ash and I a connection). I am sensitive to some photos and Ash's photos bring out that sensitivity.
The language that Ash speaks is a language of the heart. He is able to communicate, but his communication is nonverbal. He communicates through companionship, inspiration, his presence, and suttle facial expressions. You can pick up on these things as long as you are sensitive to it. And the best way to be sensitive to it is by being around him. (I know that I am not telling you anything new because you already have the sensitivity). Consider it a gift and enjoy the the companionship. (One day it will become a living reality). Until then, simply enjoy it. Ash's presence is a gift and it is meant to be enjoyed! May he give you many happy memories. (May his inspiration add quality to your life).
The situation that I have with Stewart is similar. With him I have his positive, youthful male presence and his companionship. (We both enjoy being around each other). During the week I have a very busy schedule. I work twelve hour shifts, five days a week, but when I come home after work, Stewart is always here to welcome me. Although we don't have much time during the week, I have a sense that Stewart doesn't mind. We enjoy what little time we have and we make up for it on the weekends. On the weekends I enjoy spending most of my time with him. In my living room is where we spend all of our time. He sits right next to me and we enjoy watching television together or whatever else I am doing. (We just enjoy each other).
With Stewart I never feel lonely. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I felt lonely. His presence is very therapeutic.
In our more intimate moments I enjoy holding hands with him. (I have come to appreciate the little things in life). I also enjoy looking at him and admiring his beauty. Sometimes I will give him a warm embrace and gently kiss him on the cheek. (This seems to be enough for us). For some reason sexual contact is not necessary. He satisfies me emotionally and psychologically. I realize that this kind of lifestyle is not for everyone. Some may look at it as a bit unusual, but it is a lifestyle I prefer. As a solitary person I don't need much human companionship. I am not against being around people, but I do enjoy my privacy. And the best way to enjoy my privacy is with Stewart. After I fulfill my obligations at work my free time is with Stewart.
There is another Twilight Zone Episode I would like to recommend. The title of this episode is, "The After Hours, (1960). It is doll related, bit isn't at all like 'Miniature." Without giving it away, this episode is about a woman who completely forgets her true identity. (Discovering her true identity is painful at first, but in the end she comes to a full acceptance of who she is). It is a very thought provoking episode that everyone can relate too. (Life is full of mystery). And when the mysteries begin to unfold it can make us feel uncomfortable. This episode is well worth your time and is only 30 minutes long. (Ash will enjoy it too!)
Until next time I wish both you and Ash the very best! May his inspiration fill you with wonder and amazement.

[4891d]

Hi MAB!

It's been a while since we've seen you. I hope you're well.

The girls (there are three of them now) send their tender thoughts (and they certainly don't forget Ash in their very tender thoughts ).