common to be drawn to sd's when you're nd/traumatized/lgbt?

gayboyloneliness · Post by **gayboyloneliness** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 12:32 am

I've noticed the main reasoning for myself being drawn to them or the objects I use in a similar fashion is just that it's easier to maintain the semblance of a healthy relationship that way without triggering the things that usually get exhumed when I enter relationships with irl people.

I've also noticed that I'm very clearly not easily able to integrate in social environments.

I've done my own side research and found that alot of people with similar experiences to mine may end up forming relationships with thier dolls or even objects in general.

I do not think that everyone who does this is traumatized or nd but I've noticed a big overlap between things like trauma/nuerodivergence and having romantic relationships or fixations with objects in some way.

Even if they're completely conceptual like say, a fictional character.

Alot of people I have interacted with with similar traits and symptoms and life history as me have either focused really really hard on fictional characters or objects.

When I take into account that alot of the folks I've seen and interacted with or even just folks on this forum who might also be gay or trans there's probably some issues with safely finding ways to facilitate the way you love others.

I don't think that the way people seem to respond to loving an object or a sd or whatever else is on the same level as something like homophobia but I do kind of think that extreme responses to it are indicative of similar reactionary ideals, meaning that people who see something entirely harmless but abnormal either need a "reason" to not make fun of you for it or when they even do have a genuine "reason" they tend to use things like your mental illness/trauma/sexuality like a sharpened blade as if the one off strange thing proves them entirely right in that you're completely unreasonable and devoid of the ability to be a normal human.

There's a specific nuance to it I'm just really really bad at explaining what I mean

Idk it just feels like I'm finally adding 2 and 2 here with why I am the way I am but not in a bad horrible way moreso In a "christ hot damn I thought I was just unhinged but alot of these people share similar experiences with me so I feel less bad about myself and kind of like I'm gonna be ok" kind of way

Z-Dollman · Post by **Z-Dollman** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 6:25 pm

Well, you raise several important points. I'll touch on the ones that I can identify and perhaps elaborate.

I'll spare you all the finer details, but needless to say, I've struggled with childhood trauma, adult trauma and mental illness since I was 8yrs old. I've never hid that from anyone, but its cost me dearly. The reason I am mostly drawn to love dolls is related not just to what I just mentioned but also family relations and sexual orientation.
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One thing I've learned, even with friendships- I don't do well at all with other gay men. They are the quickest to write me off and don't even bother to make an effort to understand me nor show any compassion. This is why all but one of my exes were bisexual. Bisexuals, along with trans-folks, are among the most stigmatized within the lgbtq community. So they are far more tolerant and empathetic to others.

Ive given up on having any sort of relationship and I don't even seek out friendships with gay men IRL. For the longest time I thought it was me. I thought I was no good. But then I started making a lot of friends, mostly straight women and a few bisexual women. I have three good male friends - all straight.

I first got a love doll just for the sexual aspect. Then, as he was being manufactured, I began to experience a set of emotions I never had before and I felt very uncomfortable. Once I received the factory photos, it just got worse for me. I began to feel a very strong bond with a doll I hadn't even received yet and it was so unlike me. So I started doing some research and I discovered something I didn't think I'd find. That I wasn't alone. So many others experienced the same emotions and I felt not just a sense of relief, but of validation. This complicated matters however, since I didn't intend on it and just wanted a fuck buddy.

I have strong bonds with several of my dolls, so strong in fact that I cannot be sexually intimate with them. By that I mean I can't use them as fuck buddies. Most of my dolls are actually more for companionship than anything. I have NO family nearby and the only family I still talk with live three states away. So I created my own family. MOST of my friends know about my dolls. At least the ones that matter. One of my straight male friends has actually helped me move one of them several times. His wife thinks the dolls are cool.

Needless to say, I do plan on eventually sharing my full doll story in detail. But I'm not there yet. All I can say is that having my doll family has had an enormously positive effect on my life in ways I can't even explain. Even others in my real life notice it. I'm more confident, less stressed and a whole host of other things.

I know I'm not alone in all this and that just makes places like this that much more important. Don't be surprised if you go through emotional periods when I get your first doll. Its totally normal and also quite common. Its also very healthy for you in the long run. At least I think it is.

Post by **Rock13** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:39 pm

I don't think that this is an issue unique to people who aren't heterosexual. Whether by circumstances of one's upbringing or years of experience with relationships IRL, it seems that many among us are brought to the doll lifestyle. I've followed the "What Brought You To Dolls?" thread here for a long time and it confirmed what I always say to the academics in their surveys... if you've met one doll owner, you've met one doll owner. We may have experienced things in our lives that result in certain commonalities on our paths, but for me it boils down to the fact that I have arcane and neanderthal emotional needs to protect, pamper, and provide for the object of my affection that are difficult if not impossible to satisfy with a real person. Most of them don't have time for it, don't value it, and don't want it.

gayboyloneliness · Post by **gayboyloneliness** » Thu Apr 01, 2021 7:43 pm

I definitely feel like alot of the worry is what other people tend to pathologize as to what's healthy and unhealthy. For me unhealthy would be not being able to do my job or earn income.

Things that have completely crippled that: dating irl people

Things that have been a little weird but provided comfort without removing my ability to keep financially stable: me growing attached to simulating the romatic relationships I need and cuddling with an inanimate object.

Sure yeah it's a little strange and at first glance it would seem like I'd be more willing to suck up into myself than go out but I already don't go out or have many friends so it doesn't make a real difference.

It sounds like you have been able to actually reach out more to outside people and still have been able to retain healthy friendships despite having a found family consisting of dolls.

I kinda wish more people considered that the actions of others that were non harmful and didn't effect them weren't really all that bad but no one really thinks with their head and immediately reacts

Merricat · Post by **Merricat** » Wed Apr 14, 2021 12:25 am

[quote="gayboyloneliness"]I've noticed the main reasoning for myself being drawn to them or the objects I use in a similar fashion is just that it's easier to maintain the semblance of a healthy relationship that way without triggering the things that usually get exhumed when I enter relationships with irl people.

You've raised some really interesting points in your post that I can definitely relate to. I identify as a demiromantic queer woman, and a highly sensitive person and introverted loner. The few romantic relationships I've had with other human beings have left me feeling drained and damaged and often unwell for long periods of time due to a history of depression and anxiety so I haven't bothered with intimate relationships with humans since I was 30 (I'm now 46). I have a close family and one or two close friends, but they live in another country so my day to day life outside work is spent with my beloved assorted of 15 rescue animals. I can honestly say I love my cats, rabbits and guinea pigs more than I have ever loved a human being; they are vulnerable and precious, the bond is unconditional, and they give me more in terms of acceptance, affection and trust than any human ever has. As for sex, well I've always felt women are best left to their own devices anyway and I have quite the collection

I'm fortunate that I'm very content in my own company and don't experience loneliness so initially I was interested in getting a doll purely for curiosity. However as I have a rich inner world and live mostly in books, feeling attraction/connection to a doll or object makes absolute sense to me and my own journey into this has already begun. I have just ordered my first doll and cannot wait until he arrives; already he has a name, personality and presence that will make him a trusted friend and companion.

Whilst I know everyone has their own unique reasons for why they love their dolls, I think that risk free comfort and companionship seem very common for most. The human world can be so cruel for those of us who feel different and frailer than the average bear. Although my doll won't technically be alive as my pets are, I anticipate a relationship with him that is just as respectful and kind.

Thanks for your post and I wish you peace and happiness with your doll.

Z-Dollman · Post by **Z-Dollman** » Wed Apr 14, 2021 6:31 pm

I can definitely relate to many things you've said Merricat.

I've always been a highly sensitive person as well. Its often been a barrier in real life friendships and relationships. It gets even worse every year as people become less empathetic and more self-interest oriented.

I will admit that I used to be way over-sensitive and tended to misread everyone negatively. But those same people would often just write me off rather than try to reassure me which just led me to trust even less and think the worse even more.

I've always preferred the company of animals. The only person I can honestly say I've ever loved more than any animal is my mom. But with my parrot, thats a tough one. I'd say they are likely tied.

Post by **Rock13** » Wed Apr 14, 2021 6:46 pm

My goodness, with just 6 posts this topic thread may someday prove to be among the most profound on the internet. I truly appreciate the deep stuff that ya'all have shared here and can certainly relate to much of it, but don't know what to say and I wouldn't want to derail the conversation with any half-baked thoughts. However, when the timer thingy dings in my head I'll contribute further.

Merricat · Post by **Merricat** » Wed Apr 14, 2021 9:08 pm

Dollman, as a fellow HSP I completely understand why your parrot and your mum might tie as equal in your affections

My sister, whom I'm very close to and love dearly, accepts that she shares top spot with my rescue animals. But I wonder what she would make of me having a beloved doll...

Which makes me wonder if sensitive folk reading this thread are open with the people in their lives about the existence of their dolls? What types of reactions have you received when you've decided to share this part of yourself? As a very private introvert, I think the only person who wouldn't have an initially negative view of my doll would be my sister. I'm interested in hearing about how open or otherwise those of us who identify as highly sensitive/introverted are about our dolls and how you've managed the reactions of others?

Merricat · Post by **Merricat** » Wed Apr 14, 2021 9:14 pm

Rock13 wrote:My goodness, with just 6 posts this topic thread may someday prove to be among the most profound on the internet. I truly appreciate the deep stuff that ya'all have shared here and can certainly relate to much of it, but don't know what to say and I wouldn't want to derail the conversation with any half-baked thoughts. However, when the timer thingy dings in my head I'll contribute further.

Rock13, your contribution is very welcome if you have a lightbulb moment. There is definitely camaraderie in shared experiences and perspectives and I'm very glad I found this forum and that gayboyloneliness started this thread.

ShadowCat · Post by **ShadowCat** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:35 pm

I am probably aging myself here, but I need a translator. What does “sd” and “nd” stand for? Too many definitions when I tried to google it. HSP- highly sensitive person, yes?

ShadowCat · Post by **ShadowCat** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 5:54 pm

Merricat wrote:Dollman, as a fellow HSP I completely understand why your parrot and your mum might tie as equal in your affections My sister, whom I'm very close to and love dearly, accepts that she shares top spot with my rescue animals. But I wonder what she would make of me having a beloved doll...

Which makes me wonder if sensitive folk reading this thread are open with the people in their lives about the existence of their dolls? What types of reactions have you received when you've decided to share this part of yourself? As a very private introvert, I think the only person who wouldn't have an initially negative view of my doll would be my sister. I'm interested in hearing about how open or otherwise those of us who identify as highly sensitive/introverted are about our dolls and how you've managed the reactions of others?

I am very much an animal person. Have always had pets, always will. (There are some funny posts about dolls and pets around here somewhere . . .)

My closest immediate family know of my doll. That is, my mom and two sisters. They were weirded out at first, but I am the unconventional one of the family. Although they know I have him, they are not really comfortable around him, so he stays in my room if I have company and I don’t really talk about him much except to maybe share a cool picture. My friends don’t know about my full size doll, but they do know I have smaller dolls. I would never tell my father (parents are divorced) or anyone I work with. I haven’t had to breach the subject with a significant other as I was dating before I got Luca, and haven’t since. I do consider myself a private introvert, but maybe not super sensitive.

Post by **Rock13** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 6:54 pm

[quote="ShadowCat"My closest immediate family know of my doll. That is, my mom and two sisters. They were weirded out at first, but I am the unconventional one of the family.[/quote]

My mom and sisters know about my doll. My father was in steady decline when I got her, so I didn't see any reason to tell him about it. My mom and sisters know my romantic history and they know I've always been a bitch magnet, so they're very supportive. They even buy her stuff. Last year, my birthday presents were all feminine jewelry, lingerie, and stuff like that. I don't hide her from anyone else, either. I've found that visitors are usually very curious and I know of one FedEx guy and an electrician who bought their own dolls after meeting my Hadleigh. One time, I got a visit from a couple of young missionaries from the Church Of Latter Day Saints and one was looking over my shoulder and said "Is that what I think it is?" and I said "Oh no, that's just my ex-wife... fresh from the taxidermist." Laughed my ass off after they left.

Rowsdower · Post by **Rowsdower** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 9:42 pm

Rock13 wrote:One time, I got a visit from a couple of young missionaries from the Church Of Latter Day Saints and one was looking over my shoulder and said "Is that what I think it is?" and I said "Oh no, that's just my ex-wife... fresh from the taxidermist."

Good one Rock13. I hate to be unoriginal, but I will be using that in the future.

Post by **Rock13** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 9:44 pm

Rowsdower wrote:
Rock13 wrote:One time, I got a visit from a couple of young missionaries from the Church Of Latter Day Saints and one was looking over my shoulder and said "Is that what I think it is?" and I said "Oh no, that's just my ex-wife... fresh from the taxidermist."
Good one Rock13. I hate to be unoriginal, but I will be using that in the future.

This is the kind of stuff that comes outta your mouth when you were raised on MAD Magazine and Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Rowsdower · Post by **Rowsdower** » Sat Apr 17, 2021 10:04 pm

Rock13 wrote:
Rowsdower wrote:
Rock13 wrote:One time, I got a visit from a couple of young missionaries from the Church Of Latter Day Saints and one was looking over my shoulder and said "Is that what I think it is?" and I said "Oh no, that's just my ex-wife... fresh from the taxidermist."
Good one Rock13. I hate to be unoriginal, but I will be using that in the future.
This is the kind of stuff that comes outta your mouth when you were raised on MAD Magazine and Monty Python's Flying Circus.

And now I'm even more jealous and ashamed: I was raised on Mad Magazine and Monty Python, and yet I wasn't the one who thought of that. Tragic really.