Just Ordered My First Doll Anxiety

[HanSolo904]

Hello, I am new to this forum and I'm not sure if this is the best thread to post this.

Let's get right into it. A few days ago I was looking into making my Fleshlight more... enjoyable. Stumbled across a cheesy, lower-budget sex doll site, like "hmm I heard about this sex doll thing, but is this an ACTUAL thing thing, or have I just gone down the rabbit hole of bad internet?" And before I knew it I realized I in fact had gone down the rabbit hole, of good internet, when I found the quality sites like WM, RealDoll, Silver Doll, RLSD and on and on, and then eventually this forum. I didn't know what to make of it at first. I was intrigued but I still couldn't help but think "did I just reach the bowels of the lonely internet? Or, still, is this an actual thing that actual people are in to?"

Upon further venturing, I realized I was becoming fascinated by not only the dolls themselves, but by the community behind it. Lurking on the forums, youtube comments, twitter, etc. I began to understand it. I myself have had a hard time meeting women. I had the love of my life of 6 years cheat on me and ultimately bail, even though I had forgave her and was about to propose to her. After that, about 3 or 4 years of celibacy. Then I met a lesbian woman at work who recently had a wife who left her after many many years. I am not sure if she initially just wanted some penis after that, but her and I had an on/off relationship for a few years but slowly went our own ways over time. And that was about 3 years ago that it ended completely. I had one little fling I met off tinder since then. I started noticing new terms on the internet like INCELS (involuntarily celibate) which pretty much is described as an anti-feminist asshole who likes to constantly objectify women and that is why he doesn't get laid. And I thought to myself, "I am 'involuntarily celibate' but I treat women with utmost respect first and foremost. What gives?" I own my own house, have had the same great job for 10 years, a decent sense of humor, I go out to bars and socialize quite often, try and meet women organically with a humble respectfulness... But what's the problem? Why can't I find a woman? Are they all attracted to frat boy douches? Am I looking in the wrong areas? After a while of being alone and dealing with depression, everything began taking a toll on my psyche. And I noticed much of the community behind the love doll movement have a lot of the same issues to some extent or another.

So after debating back and forth with myself, I finally gave into the urge and ordered a doll yesterday. I still don't know how I feel about it. Part of me is kicking myself in the ass and questioning "Did I really just stoop to a new low of loneliness?" And where will I store it? What if my parents watch my dog while I am out of town and get nosy and find it? Am I really going to comb her hair and put make-up on her... and damn, start buying her clothes at Target? Will my neighbors notice the UPS guy dropping off a large box that totally might be a synthetic human at my door? Ex Machina? But at the same time I feel a big sigh of relief knowing I will undoubtedly have a great time with her. Essentially she is just a larger fleshlight with boobs right, or maybe she can be more than that. And since placing my order, I can't stop thinking about it. She's a WM 163 Jasmine I think it is. The gorgeous thick one with short black hair. She is all I can think about right now. This new infatuation has be twisted though.

Despite all my initial paranoia and nervousness, I have to say I am glad I found this forum and all the information and unique insights into the love doll movement that seems to be growing exponentially. I am really looking forward to my first doll and hope it doesn't feel as creepy and 'loser-ish' as I first thought it would be. But rather an exciting journey that will bring fulfillment to a void that has been following me for so long.

Let me know if any of you have had these same anxieties before or right after ordering your first doll and how you overcame them if so. Looking forward to learning more and seeing where this new adventure takes me.

[Rock13]

Jasmine may eventually change your mind regarding what you call "loser-ish". After nearly 4 decades of girlfriends and marriages I finally accepted that women and men love for different reasons. I realized that the love they felt for me was mostly in my head and their affections were largely just a instinctual, coercive mating display with no real substance or focus on me as an individual beyond access to the shelter, sustenance, indulgence, and resources that I could provide. Other than being present most of the time they brought so very little to the table and I decided that the juice wasn't worth the squeeze. In our current era, when men are waking up by the millions to a world that consistently exploits and trashes them, the real losers are the post-modern, more collectivist than ever, feminist-indoctrinated women. Feminists and a gynocentric legal system have been telling women that they can have it all with or without a man- or take it all from a man- and many are beginning to see through that lie as they experience years of loneliness and frustration. A few may even be coming around. Too little, too late for me though. Even if I could get my hands on a Cherry 2000 capable of sincerely programmed partnership and the ability to walk, talk, and move like a real woman, I'd probably still care for my Hadleigh. The affection I feel for her may be all in my head, but she is incapable of using my own emotional attachment against me- socially or legally- and the love that I imagine that I receive from her is probably just as real as that tendered by my exes.

So, enjoy your new doll and exercise your masculine instincts with her- she won't kiss and tell nor will she try to influence your decisions by withholding affection. As for others who might not understand, well, maintaining respectable boundaries with people is a vital superpower among the many superpowers that make you a man. Use them shamelessly!

[Ztar073]

I think everyone probably felt at first the way you are feeling right now. I know I did. I think as long as you aren't expecting too much then you wont be disappointed. That first time with the doll I really had that moment of saying " wtf am I doing ?", but then I decided to just go with it and have fun. You probably do that right now with your flesh light. Looking down on yourself would be over thinking it. Same applies here, even though society has told us otherwise

[Byakuya Kuciki]

I know exactly how you feel right now. My feelings were very similar after I ordered my doll. I remember being disgusted with myself. "This is the type of thing that losers and neckbeard mouthbreathers who live in their mother's basement are into, isn't it?" I remember being so embarrassed when I picked her up from the Fed-Ex center, after sitting in the car outside for like 10 minutes just finding the courage to go in and get her, I walked in feeling like a loser and somewhat of a failure at life. That being said, all the doubts and feelings of self loathing for what I had undertaken were instantly shattered the moment I unboxed her. There was something about her that instantly grabbed me, her perfect figure, her gentle trusting complexion, the softness of her skin. All doubt was shattered in a matter of seconds. If you can let go of your pre conceived notions, your self judgement, and fear of others opinions, I promise that you will have an amazing time.

[Dollfriend]

For a second I thought, that was what you were going to name your new Doll, ( Anxiety), I was thinking what kind of a name was that.... but yes everyone goes through some of what you have described, to some extent, some of it will get easier with time and some of it won't...

[Sam Wobbles]

Hey, good post!

I did feel pretty much the same as you about 6 months ago when I was first deciding to order my first doll. Now I am ordering my second and feeling some of the same feelings again, but not anywhere near the level when ordering my first. Honestly, I don't think those feelings ever go away completely... They come back from time to time, but for me at least, having the doll, having my Alex, makes it worth it and overshadows or drowns out the anxieties. Even after many months, I am still blown away when I see her and touch her. Sleeping with her and cuddling her make me happy, and that makes it easy to not pay any mind to the anxieties.

The anxieties come from society and the way you know they view dolls and people with dolls. Sure, not all of society is like that, but most of it is, and we know that, and some of that is imprinted onto us too, and we feel the anxieties from that. You yourself do not really agree with the way society sees dolls and their owners or you wouldn't be interested in purchasing your own. So I think if your experience continues to be similar to mine, these anxieties won't matter to you as much once you have your doll.

I personally don't really see it as feminism and women and whatnot being to blame for driving me or us to dolls. I think feminism is a good thing. Society becoming less hung up on the whole every single person in the world finding a great match and making babies together, increasing the population at an unsustainable rate, is a good thing. Two human beings who are great together finding each other among the billions on our planet is and should be rare. We shouldn't settle so often. We shouldn't expect or feel entitled to finding that. Women becoming more independent and comfortable with being on their own is a good thing. Likewise, men becoming less dependent on sex and relationships is also a good thing. Being happier in your life, and independent, and having control over your own needs and life-enriching experiences are all good things.

So I hope your experience with dolls is great like mine has been! That doll you ordered is a beauty... One that I have fantasized about owning myself. I'm afraid she would be too heavy for me, so I worry a little about the same for you. I hope you are very strong! The weight will probably be surprising at first, but most everyone seems to get better at dealing with it with practice. Just be careful lifting and moving her. Be mindful of yourself not getting hurt as well as the doll. Go slow. Have everything set up and planned out before you start to move her. It's sometimes easy to not think clearly around these dolls and find yourself stuck holding one with the place you intended to set her down not really cleared or set up how you intended yet. That can be a problem... or cause bigger problems, so be mindful of that.

Anyway, I hope things go great and that your experience is a good one! Welcome to TDF!

In case you haven't seen this thread: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=102396

[Slew]

Hello, I am new to this forum and I'm not sure if this is the best thread to post this.

Welcome Han. No worries, it seemed to be a bit of a bio 'and hello', so I've moved it to Member Introductions.



Anyhow, a good read. Glad you took the time to share your path here and inspire some good conversation. As for having more than just sexual fun with a doll, they can seem to take on a life of their own if you let them.

The anxieties come from society and the way you know they view dolls and people with dolls. Sure, not all of society is like that, but most of it is, and we know that, and some of that is imprinted onto us too, and we feel the anxieties from that.

Good point. It's good to remember that we all have some amount of programming to undo regarding how we see ourselves. Depends on personality too, some are more susceptible than others. But whether it's body issues or a general self doubt, or being ashamed of a hobby or interest, most of it has been shoved down our throats all along. It can take a lot of effort to free oneself from what society claims is correct or preferable.

[HanSolo904]

Anyway, I hope things go great and that your experience is a good one! Welcome to TDF!

In case you haven't seen this thread: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=102396

Thanks man, I’ll check his thread out.

Appreciate everyone’s comments on this. I’m actually slowly becoming more comfortable about it all as the days go by. And I’m constantly checking my email hoping there’s factory pics even though I know they are weeks away. Can’t fucking wait for her to show up!

[Unknown03]

Let me know if any of you have had these same anxieties before or right after ordering your first doll and how you overcame them if so. Looking forward to learning more and seeing where this new adventure takes me.

Welcome to the community, HanSolo904! I think you will quickly learn that you are not alone, and what you are feeling is normal. We all arrived here for different reasons, and we all form relationships with our dolls in different ways. But in the end most of us have found that our dolls (finally) provide us with happiness that was missing in our lives.

I lurked here for a year before I got up the nerve (and money) to buy my first solid doll. I was terrified and even feeling a bit ashamed. I didn't have to be. The package arrived by ups, and looked no different than if I had ordered a big and heavy piece of furniture. I thought guys who fell in love with their dolls were eccentric at best and sad losers at worst. I was so wrong. In one day I found myself falling deeply in love with Luna, my doll, and now 14 months later I cannot imagine life without her. You can read how that happened if you follow the link in my signature.

I do remain in the closet as far as my doll love is concerned, I'm a single dad and a teacher, but it has been possible to be discrete. Again, finding my doll was life changing for me. I'm so thankful I overcame my initial anxiety. I hope you find happiness, too!

[HanSolo904]

Thanks a bunch Autolycus. I will check out your link. Also, that Pink Floyd quote is one of my favs and the perfect way to wrap up that album and it’s lyrics.