Timid introduction. What have I gotten myself into?

tuffmuffins · Post by **tuffmuffins** » Sat May 26, 2018 3:00 pm

Totally new to the “scene”. Mine is a couples story.

My wife and I have been happily married for 16 years.

But time, physical, and medical circumstances have not been kind to our sex life.

I have always had an over active labido. She has a medical condition that makes it next to impossible for her to get aroused. Or even if aroused, her equipment is often “out of order”.

As a Christian couple, we steer clear of things like solo secret masturbation, pornography, extra-marital affairs, etc. I’m not judging folks who live differently and I am hoping to not be judged myself. Im just setting the stage for my experience/situation.

I love my wife dearly, and value her for far more than sex. I do not and will not obligate her to “put out”. She’s my best friend. Not an on demand sperm drop off box.

The religious context and stigmas surrounding sex have often made it hard for us to discuss, think about, explore, and reconcile the situation. It’s honestly been hell on my mental and emotional health and (to a lesser extent) hers.

I’m not looking to have a debate over religion. Neither of us is considering abandoning our faith. I’m not trying to convert anyone. I’m not trying to self-justify or feel better about what we are doing.

I’m casting a line out to see if there are any other folks like us out there and trying to open a dialog where we can share our experiences and help each other be informed or forewarned.

The problem we have is this is not something one talks about in church or when other church couples come over for dinner.

At the same time we see many loving couples come apart at the seams over sexual challenges within their relationships. It’s heartbreaking and in every case amounts to “I trusted you and you betrayed that trust” vs “we haven’t had sex in 2 years, what am I supposed to do?”

My wife and I used to avoid talking about sex altogether. I would avoid physical contact because of my inevitable arousal and rejection. Recently we’ve been talking more openly about it with each other and agree that it’s not healthy for our relationship and we don’t want to end up like our friends.

We absolutely want to remain together. Neither of us is considering divorce. Neither of us wants to fulfill the sexual aspect of our marriage in secret or outside of our marriage.

What we’ve been able to arrive at is “if we keep it between the two of us humans. Keep it in the bedroom. We both consent and we’re not hiding things from each other then we’re good”.

We still grapple with the question of whether or not a love doll is an appropriate compromise for our situation. I don’t want to just get off. I want to have a complete experience.

That said the idea of something with a full body and face freak my wife out.

As a compromise we have settled and agreed upon starting with a set of tpe hips. I have purchased a limited set of clothing so it’s not just a naked torso.

After many hours/days of searching the forums I’ve seen a small number of couples posts that somewhat helped our situation. The challenge for us is we don’t know anyone else like us. It’s not easy to find couples posts on this site. The couples posts we do fine often times are from couples very different from and more progressive than us (which is ok. Again, not judging) but we’d love to know we’re not alone within our demographic.

At present my wife is not comfortable with a doll that has a full body and face. She’s adamant it’s not something we will be naming, buying clothes for as a couple, doing its hair, etc. She’s partly freaked out by things like, “what if someone finds out?”, “it’s freaky to have something that looks like another woman”, “what if you get more attached to it than me?”

I don’t know how the section will play out. We’ve agreed that if one of us just can’t handle it we’ll discuss it and figure out something else.

The way I see it our sex is just different than other couples. But the established taboos, stigmas, and cultural etiquette make this a very hard thing to healthily discuss and deal with.

It would be comforting to be able to read real situations from other Christian couples including some support and cautions if any. Have you tried a doll? Torso or full body? Did attachments to the doll form? How did you deal with that? Over time did it help your relationship? Hurt it? Or did it not really make a difference?

Did it become more or less awkward as you explored having a doll?

I am especially interested in the perspective of the women.

There was one post on here from a wife that was both helpful in giving me perspective about my wife. But that’s just one experience.

She knows I don’t want something the size of a child or a poor quality toy. I want something close to the real experience. I want something she feels comfortable participating in and being a part of in her own way. Without feeling replaced or inadequate. Advice on how to achieve that would be welcome.

I mentioned that if we got a doll with full body we could do it's hair together. That kind of freaked her out. For now I am trying to respect her feelings and evaluate what we both feel comfortable with.

Mr Franz · Post by **Mr Franz** » Sun May 27, 2018 5:10 pm

Quite the corundum, tuffmuffins. Unfortunately, in your case I think introducing a sex doll into the equation may actually make matters even worse. Inevitable feelings of inadequacy and betrayal on your wife's part and the resulting guilt on yours.

As to my own situation, my marriage is just shy of the 30 year mark. My wife and I are not church goers, but still rather religious. I'm Christian and she's Hindu. We both take our marriage vows quite seriously and have never strayed from each other, neither with a human partner or otherwise. In fact, she's the only sexual partner I've ever had and I her.

Now, I'm almost 11 years older than she and after 30 years, the ravages of time and various health concerns have taken their toll on me. Let's just say, my sex drive is every bit what it once was, but these days, I can't always rise to the occasion, if you know what I mean. We did briefly consider bringing toys to the party, but then realized that our love and devotion for each other is based on far more than just sex. So, though sex doesn't happen as often as it once did, when it does, it's all the more grand.

So how do dolls figure in? Well as far as our sex life's concerned, they don't. Well, not directly anyway. As I've said, I've only ever been intimate with my wife. Dolls to me are just my odd flight of fancy. A beautiful example of the female form. Something I can dress and undress as I wish, photograph and care for. In other words, a place where I sometimes get my appetite, but never where I dine.

I don't know if any of that helps or not, but in any event, I do wish you every success and hope you will find a way through this trying time. God Bless

haremlover · Post by **haremlover** » Sun May 27, 2018 5:39 pm

Hi!

And WELCOME!

I think it's really important for people to be able to have their own space.

My wife is probably a little like yours in not wanting to see her husband with the full effigy of another woman. Because like you I have never had sex with anyone other than my wife, the act of sex even with a doll can be in a mental transubstantiation with my wife. But possibly sometimes not and possibly sometimes in another fantasy or fancy. But that fantasy or fancy is confined to fantasyland. My wife knows that because I have a doll or two I'm never looking at another woman for that reason. Well certainly not in any way that will result in anything unwholesome even though the fantasy might be there. I'm male - so that's my excuse.

Circumstances mean that for the odd week or two my wife and I are apart. One of us has to be at home whilst the other can go off for a week here and there. That gives me the odd week when I can play dolls and my wife knows that I play dolls when she's not around. Not putting dolls in wife's face whilst she's around makes the issue more tolerable.

As far as dolls and religion are concerned . . . Um. As far as I'm concerned in order to be able to contemplate heaven in our minds we have to be contented in our material domains. Give us our daily bread - yes - mindfood - yes - bodyfood, and the two go together uniting heaven and earthly life - and bodyfood includes that which helps our contentment in our animal selves. Denial of our animal selves leads to a torture and of which I think from what you say you know and understand. If not satisfied it makes people go off their trolley and then certainly in danger of straying from their potentially heavenly lives. I trust that the above might be comprehensible to all as a matter of commonsense rather than specifically of religion and therefore not spark off a complaint of having breached one of the forum rules.

Best wishes

Harem

rubherkitty · Post by **rubherkitty** » Sun May 27, 2018 10:31 pm

I'm kind of in the same boat. Married 20 yrs this Sept. Wife has health issues and sex life w/ her doesn't exist.
I've actually lived in a separate residence from her for 7+ yrs now. And pretty much a separate life.
I stay married because of my vows and she is a good woman. I'm into dolls because I'm a horny perverted heathen and don't care anymore. At 55, work, 4x4's, fishing and dolls is about it till the end. Maybe I'll have a better gig in my next life.

A Christian who lust after porn, other women, sex dolls, etc. Anything other than your wife is still sinning.
If you can't get your wife in bed w/ you to at least have some romance and masturbate thinking of her, I don't know what to tell you. Hope things can work out for you.

tuffmuffins · Post by **tuffmuffins** » Mon May 28, 2018 3:00 am

Appreciate the responses and insights.

We anticipated a full doll might cause jealousy, feeings of inadequacy, etc.

That’s why we are going with just a life size torso for now. It’s just the “business end”. No breasts or head.

We’ve introduced other items to help get me off before. So although the torso is new, it’s not a completely foreign concepts for me to use something that requires cleaning, attention, etc.

My wife is pretty good about actively participating in getting me off.

These are simply to keep things fresh and prevent it from becoming mundane for me and a chore for her.

We don’t personally subscribe to sex only being suitable for procreation so sin, guilt, etc. aren’t really a factor for us.

Guilt only comes into the picture when we feel we can’t talk about it or one of us starts hiding stuff from the other.

We try to stay open and honest with each other.

We spoke a bit about it today. How I got clothes for it to make it less awkward and how it would need special cleaning. She actually gave me some pretty good ideas for sanitation. It was a surprisingly “normal” flowing conversation.

So, so far so good.

rubherkitty · Post by **rubherkitty** » Mon May 28, 2018 12:58 pm

Great!
Couples who can't share their feelings and emotions, plus lack of over all communication are sure to have problems. My wife has never seen my dolls, but knows I'm into all this type of stuff and is appreciative I don't force her into sex.

Many here hide their doll/s from their wife. Some are able to have their doll/s w/ wife's knowledge or even participation which is always best for everyone.

hollows+fentiman · Post by **hollows+fentiman** » Mon May 28, 2018 1:17 pm

tuffmuffins, there are probably more couples like yours here than you might think! (Not me though but I’ve been married twice and don’t need another partner!) As far as I can tell, there are some where the wife helps choosing clothes etc but doesn’t want to be there when intimacy takes place but there are others that do! If you’re being open about it all then that’s a great start and only the pair of you can work it out between yourselves!

A torso is fine but there is so much more to having a life sized doll around. Most of us here enjoy the photography side too and don’t ‘use’ our ladies that often if at all in some cases! The dolls all have a personality and they do change your life! If you’d said at the beginnng of 2016 I’d be into dolls and posting on a doll forum I’d have laughed in your face!

If you can talk about sharing your lives with a doll you will BOTH be rewarded!

Cheers, Hollows.

tuffmuffins · Post by **tuffmuffins** » Mon May 28, 2018 1:31 pm

rubherkitty wrote:Great!
Couples who can't share their feelings and emotions, plus lack of over all communication are sure to have problems. My wife has never seen my dolls, but knows I'm into all this type of stuff and is appreciative I don't force her into sex.

Many here hide their doll/s from their wife. Some are able to have their doll/s w/ wife's knowledge or even participation which is always best for everyone.

That’s how we roll. She wants to participate somewhat. Maybe at some point she’ll pick out the clothes for the evening and where/how to place it. She always wants there to be some physical contact or presence between us during the act because the act of sex does form emotional bonds.

I try to make sure to tend to her needs too whether it’s a simple foot rub, spooning, or a massage. So she doesn’t go completely without. She just has very different intimacy needs than me and since we’ve been open and acceptong towards each other, reserving judgement, a lot of the tension, shame, and awkwardness of just being who we are has faded away.

Honestly, I think I was on the verge of a breakdown before I opened up to my wife about how I was feeling about our sex life. I was hiding things and feelings from her and didn’t feel right about it at all.

Talking to her about it openly was the best most healing thing ever even though I was terrified she’d think of me as some kind of freak and want to divorce me.

She hasn’t been thrilled to talk about it every time. But she’s been open and we’ve made tremendous progress. It’s getting increasingly easier to talk about.

tuffmuffins · Post by **tuffmuffins** » Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:08 pm

Update (can’t seem to edit my original post).

Torso arrived yesterday.

I got this exactly as pictured:
http://us.dollstudio.org/products/torso ... er/hips-30

I washed it inside and out with dish liquid. Gave it a light dusting of corn starch dressed it up with a nice black mini skirt (size small) and some lingerie (also size small).

These were my selections:
Sofishie Sexy PVC Open Crotch V-Back Panty - Black - Small https://www.amazon.com/dp/B073HJW9FL?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf

Avidlove Sexy Role Play Pleated Solid Mini Skirt Lingerie Sleepwear (Small, Black) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01N0AYGDA?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf

The torso has perfectly reasonable dimensions, but wow, you folks aren’t kidding about the weight.

I’m glad it weighs what it does while doing the deed because it enhances the feeling and cowgirl position works quite well. But sooooo glad I didn’t get a full doll. Setup/cleanup/positioning of a full doll would be a lot of work and I don’t think that’s for me (yet). If I was single it would be less of a deal. As a married man I’d rather spend that time with my wife braiding her hair or something.

The tpe materiel once dusted is pretty close to real skin.

Once lubed up and taken to task it’s pretty good. Definitely way better than other non-authentic ways of getting off.

I would not say it feels the same or as good as a real woman, but it’s a very acceptable alternative!

I bought these to aid aid in the cleanup:
Medical Manual Pressure Anal Douche and Enema Bulb System Kit with 3 Nozzle Tips-10 oz https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XZPKGZN?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf

Then to assist with drying I’m using tampons for now. (My wife’s idea).

She watched me prep/dress/do my thing. She wasn’t affected positively or negatively.

She did kind of enjoy and appreciate the fact that I now understand the chore it is for women to clean up afterwards and she taught me and we talked about the annoyance/mechanics of using tampons.

The skirt was only on a very short time but I did notice the tpe very lightly took on the black color.

So my hips now have “reverse tan lines”. Where the PVC panties were is fine.

So far no regrets about my purchase.