common to be drawn to sd's when you're nd/traumatized/lgbt?

[muesky6969]

You know we all are drawn to these dolls for various reasons. For me one of the reasons is I now have physical manifestations of spirits that have been in my life as long as I can remember. Agares is one of the oldest of my "imaginary friends". Having him even in this form is comforting and I am just so damn grateful to have him and the rest of the crew in my life. Admittedly the path to get to this point has really sucked but maybe the journey makes me appreciate what I have even more.

It was weird, I had only had Xiel for only a couple of months when I saw Agares' model of doll for the first time, and it was like a kick in the gut. All the memories I had of our play when I was a child came flooding back. Of course the doll only had a structural look of my Agares, it took all I have learned about working on these dolls to get him to what he is supposed to look like.

Some of you may be tired of seeing pictures of my dolls, especially Agares, it's just that he is so photogenic and beautiful...... Last night though, I can't explain it but I got to see the real him for the first time. I have been practicing moving his eyes to get more realistic photos, and he was very cooperative. It is so strange how just a bit of change in his eye position and different angles can get such different looks.. I love it though.

[gayboyloneliness]

You know we all are drawn to these dolls for various reasons. For me one of the reasons is I now have physical manifestations of spirits that have been in my life as long as I can remember. Agares is one of the oldest of my "imaginary friends".

I doubt I'll ever find a doll like my "imaginary friend" Ie the guy in my head who gives me constant nagging advice while maintaining what little rationality is up there.

I don't even know if I want to find a doll that looks like how I represent him at least, a bit weird to try and make myself attracted to what is basically a bipedal body with green skin a rectangle head and one giant eyeball.

I've tried asking him what he thinks he looks like but he usually just tells me it doesn't matter because technically he looks like me because we literally share a body and he's kinda just fine with me imprinting him on whatever object I've taken a liking to at the time.

The other one who usually stays quiet unless to start up complete horseshit does have a set form though he's told me that he's tall and blonde and grey eyed.

Sucks to be him because blondes aren't my type ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Battory]

As a psyhcologist (not practising, my own issues are enough, thank you) I can tell you that it is very commmon for people with mental trauma to bond or feel drawn to certain objects. Most of these persons don't even realise this is happening and might not be receptive to the thought of it. Violent reactions is not rare in these cases where the identity is threatened, Youv'e heard of "ammosexuals", right?

The reason is an object is seen as something safe, something that wont hurt you (depending on the object, yes, stories), never let you down and wont criticise you. It's not a choice, it's not a conscious process, it can happen instantly or it can take some time. Everyone's journey is different.

Dolls, plushies, cars, guns, books, clothing, tools, etc etc. If you can name a thing, someone somewhere will have this bond with it.

So, no. Dont feel bad in any way over "bonding" with a sexdoll, know it's a very common thing and enjoy what it gives you.


Also, on mental health. A mental disability is much, MUCH worse then a physical one. A physical disability you can treat, work around, have tools to limit the impact of it, get help for what you need, won't get told to "man up and quit whining". Most of the time you can see a physical disability. Mental disabilities, not so much.

[muesky6969]

As a psyhcologist (not practising, my own issues are enough, thank you) I can tell you that it is very commmon for people with mental trauma to bond or feel drawn to certain objects. Most of these persons don't even realise this is happening and might not be receptive to the thought of it. Violent reactions is not rare in these cases where the identity is threatened, Youv'e heard of "ammosexuals", right?

The reason is an object is seen as something safe, something that wont hurt you (depending on the object, yes, stories), never let you down and wont criticise you. It's not a choice, it's not a conscious process, it can happen instantly or it can take some time. Everyone's journey is different.

Dolls, plushies, cars, guns, books, clothing, tools, etc etc. If you can name a thing, someone somewhere will have this bond with it.

So, no. Dont feel bad in any way over "bonding" with a sexdoll, know it's a very common thing and enjoy what it gives you.


Also, on mental health. A mental disability is much, MUCH worse then a physical one. A physical disability you can treat, work around, have tools to limit the impact of it, get help for what you need, won't get told to "man up and quit whining". Most of the time you can see a physical disability. Mental disabilities, not so much.

Although I my education was not strictly psychology, I did have to take a number of classes on it because it is just part of what I do on a daily bases for my job. You are right for many people who have had trauma these dolls are a safe way to emotionally get involved with, and honestly that is so much better then not being able to bond with anything. That is a whole different type of mental illness that is far more dangerous.

There is some good news about treatment on mental illness that I find so dang exciting. Research is still in the early stages but the results so far seem very promising. Having said that even if my depression, anxiety and PTSD was magically gone, which nothing does that.. I would still prefer my dolls, in this late stage of my life, then trying to find a human partner. All I can say is, I am tired and am focused on making sure my 'ducks' are in a line so I can at some point retire comfortably. I am fortunate I have good friends and a great relationship with my daughter so I have a social and support group. A while back I figured out I was happier single with my dolls then being in a relationship and feel alone. Plus I realized my picker is broken, which is okay, because honestly my life is full and fulfilling and not everyone can say that.. Yes?

[nooneknows]

I haven't seriously dated anyone since 2008. I just don't connect with actual people; if I had the chance to leave this planet with aliens I'd take it in a heart beat. I'm a low-level crossdresser; when I get home I love putting on my breastforms, bra and a silky nightie. I don't consider myself as trans but I would be pretty excited if I could switch between being a man and woman as easily as one changes clothes. Think of the movie The Surrogates with Bruce Willis where people live their daily lives in their mechanical avatars.

Nyoko sort of allows me to fantasize about the body I'd like if I could be a woman. Most of her wardrobe is based on the things I'd like to wear.

[gayboyloneliness]

I haven't seriously dated anyone since 2008. I just don't connect with actual people; if I had the chance to leave this planet with aliens I'd take it in a heart beat. I'm a low-level crossdresser; when I get home I love putting on my breastforms, bra and a silky nightie. I don't consider myself as trans but I would be pretty excited if I could switch between being a man and woman as easily as one changes clothes. Think of the movie The Surrogates with Bruce Willis where people live their daily lives in their mechanical avatars.

Nyoko sort of allows me to fantasize about the body I'd like if I could be a woman. Most of her wardrobe is based on the things I'd like to wear.

I uh. I think you should maybe look a bit further into the trans thing but specifically on your own terms because I'm trans and the way you describe this is hitting me like a not totally cis experience.

There actually is a specific word similar to what you described called gender fluid but that wouldn't mean you were in fact gender fluid because I felt kinda the same way you described exploring things before I went full boy mode

It's now 7 years later and im currently a year and a half on t and feeling alot more mentally stable

[nooneknows]

I uh. I think you should maybe look a bit further into the trans thing but specifically on your own terms because I'm trans and the way you describe this is hitting me like a not totally cis experience.

There actually is a specific word similar to what you described called gender fluid but that wouldn't mean you were in fact gender fluid because I felt kinda the same way you described exploring things before I went full boy mode

It's now 7 years later and im currently a year and a half on t and feeling alot more mentally stable

The last time I really tried to figure out what I am would probably be back in 2012ish. I got as far as realizing I'm not cis. Most of the info I found back then was focused on if I was trans or not and I didn't feel like I was part of that group. With greater awareness of non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid etc. I guess it's time I wade back in.

[gayboyloneliness]

The last time I really tried to figure out what I am would probably be back in 2012ish. I got as far as realizing I'm not cis. Most of the info I found back then was focused on if I was trans or not and I didn't feel like I was part of that group. With greater awareness of non-binary, genderqueer, gender fluid etc. I guess it's time I wade back in.

Before it was more accepted to tell people "you have to start hormones and get all these surgeries nd experience dysphoria in a specific way to even qualify as trans"

now it's more accepted that if you say shit like that you're an asshole.

Things used to be so binary that I stopped wearing shit I liked just to "prove it" on some level.

Any time I would wear "feminine" shit but express clearly that I wasn't a woman people would purposely make sure they made sure I knew that to them I was a woman.

Sometimes this meant them ramping up sexism in how they treated me, like almost to the point where they were treating my cis female peers and coworkers completely normal to how they treated me.

"Go fold clothes with the other women" -boss

"He was crying but it wasn't like when you cry because he's a REAL man" -coworker

"Why do you wear things like that if you supposedly aren't comfortable with your body, you piss me the fuck off so much. You don't get to complain about being called a she if you dress like that"- cis lesbian coworker who's completely ok with being a woman but purposely dresses like a fucking man and calls herself a stud with 0 self awareness for what she had just said.

Sometimes it wasn't even just verbal like you could tell by body language or the way they'd speak to you

I'm still left with those scars but I'm making the choice on what physical changes I wanna go through if any and no one is questioning my gender over it.

It's more encouraged to explore and do whatever makes you happy than to stick to either just boy or girl.

Some people don't even physically transition or want to wear clothes opposite of their gender assigned at birth and that's fine, they know what they are and it's a douchey thing to do to tell them they don't.

Some people want to only wear clothes opposite to their gender assighned at birth and not seek out hrt and that's fine too

Some people want to only seek out hrt or specific surgeries that's also fine

Some people want to go on hrt and try to go with full srs as well as top surgery or breast enlargement, and even so they still may not even be a full binary gender.

The entire point of transness is not to throw down all your cards and change for the sake of others it's for your own comfort. You do what you wanna do, you change how you wanna change, sometimes that change doesn't even gotta be physical.

The entire point is self exploration and finding what brings you comfort

[Z-Dollman]

My life was full of trauma until I hit my early 20s. Then things became more bearable. The past 5-10 years have been incredibly stabilizing and offered a great deal of closure and acceptance.

If I could just touch on the whole trans/gender topic for a moment. I'd just like to give my take on the topic. This is of course just my own thoughts and in no way discounts others thoughts.

I've always thought that sexuality is MUCH more fluid than people ever felt comfortable accepting. I'm actually a firm believer in the 'Kinsey scale'. It makes perfect sense. But that pertains mostly to sexual orientation.

I believe human sexuality is far more complex than the average person realizes. I also think there are a lot of people who confuse it so much (not intentionally) that it just makes it even harder for the average person to accept. So here is my take:

I believe biological gender is created by your brain. Cisgender people have a male brain and male genitals or a female brain and female genitals. Trans people have a brain and genitals that do not match which is why hormones and procedures are the only way to correct the mismatch. You can't change the brain gender. That being said, I think it can be quite dangerous for someone who identifies as male but has female body parts (and vice versa) to 'completely' eliminate the wrong gender and let me explain. If you were assigned female at birth but you are male-brained you should only remove all connections once all female body parts are gone. If say for example, Chaz Bono still had his uterus or ovaries. If he removes ALL traces of female then what happens if he gets ovarian cancer? Insurance will refuse to cover it cause men don't have ovaries. Same goes with Caitlyn Jenner and prostate cancer.

(Not every trans person has complete sex reassignment and there are a multitude of reasons for that).

I do have an issue with people 'refusing to identify as male or female'. I think its completely different than being transgender and I also, no offense, but feel it makes a mockery of trans people. IMO, there are only two genders. Period. A trans man (FTM) is a man and a trans female (MTF) is female.

So thats my view on biological gender. Aside from that, you also have sexuality, expression and orientation.
Your sexuality is where the "non-binary" or 'not strictly male or not strictly female' comes into play. Its about who you feel you are and is more about not being confined to a 'gender box'. Then there is expression - this is the way people express their sexuality. They may express it in any number of ways. A person could identify as a straight cis male who is comfortable with their sexuality but feels a desire to cross dress as a means of expression for whatever reason they have. Lastly is orientation. Contrary to what many people believe, your sexual orientation has VERY little to do with actual sex. Its more about who you 'connect with' on a chemical and psychological basis when it comes to intimacy.

This is why I believe 'human sexuality' is much more complex than any of us can truly realize to the full extent. I am NO expert and I don't proclaim to be, I merely wanted to share my own views and thats all they are. My own views.

[Rock13]

I agree with all of that, Z-Dollman. One doesn't need a Ph.D. to explore themselves and the world and figure this stuff out. Personally, I have an intellectual issue with what I see as an academic hijacking of the word "gender" which up until the 80's was only used to describe the tenses used in classical romance languages as a clear binary. What's the point of using a binary term to try to describe a myriad of preferences and individual characteristics? I think they should've coined a new word to capture the complexity of the human sexual landscape. Clearly, it doesn't work very well or we wouldn't have so many qualifiers like "cis-" and "assigned at birth" tacked on to it.

Early in life, my passion and obsessive pursuit was biology, especially the vertebrates. To my way of thinking, like all vertebrates we are a sexually dimorphic species and are not "assigned" anything at all at birth. The outcome of embryology and our physical form is driven by DNA recombination and chromosomes. If you are "XY" you're gonna be male, "XX" and you're gonna be female. Now, what you do with your body after hitting puberty and how you see yourself is your business and yours alone- I do not judge. However, in our effort to lump and split people into groups in order to make sense of society and the world, stereotypes inevitably emerge. Case in point, the ultra effeminate gay man who dresses up like Elton John and sashays everywhere he goes. I've known gay male rugby players who were super aggressive and tough as fucking nails and even had I been gay I might've been afraid to have sex with them. Serious brutes! Like I said, I don't really know fuck all on this issue, but I never judge others simply because they don't "smoke the same cigarettes as me"... and I'm learning a lot which is good.

[gayboyloneliness]

If say for example, Chaz Bono still had his uterus or ovaries. If he removes ALL traces of female then what happens if he gets ovarian cancer? Insurance will refuse to cover it cause men don't have ovaries. Same goes with Caitlyn Jenner and prostate cancer.

This is more of a problem with how the system treats trans folk and not the trans folk themselves. Much like how systems have treated gay people for donating blood organs etc due to homophobic reactions to aids.

Like sure, insurance won't cover me if I have ovaries but insurance has already been fucking me over for years even for non trans related issues.

The problem is not changing my sex marker on my paperwork the problem is the way insurance handles lgbt folk in general.

People have also refused trans women life saving medical service after finding out about thier genitalia, when hearing about this my main problem was "what the hell why is that legal it's discriminatory"

[Z-Dollman]

If say for example, Chaz Bono still had his uterus or ovaries. If he removes ALL traces of female then what happens if he gets ovarian cancer? Insurance will refuse to cover it cause men don't have ovaries. Same goes with Caitlyn Jenner and prostate cancer.

This is more of a problem with how the system treats trans folk and not the trans folk themselves. Much like how systems have treated gay people for donating blood organs etc due to homophobic reactions to aids.

Like sure, insurance won't cover me if I have ovaries but insurance has already been fucking me over for years even for non trans related issues.

The problem is not changing my sex marker on my paperwork the problem is the way insurance handles lgbt folk in general.

People have also refused trans women life saving medical service after finding out about thier genitalia, when hearing about this my main problem was "what the hell why is that legal it's discriminatory"

Precisely. The system is not looking out for transfolks and never has and I fear never will. At least as long as ignorant and uneducated people continue to hold the power over such decisions. That's why its such a concern for me. Nobody else is looking out for them, except to scapegoat them.

The fact is, people just don't bother to educate themselves enough to understand people who are so different from them. Gender Dysphoria is a brain disease. Its not some fetish or sexual identity crisis. Its literally being born in the wrong body. You would think that if people truly cared about the well being of others they would want to do everything they could to make sure everyone has access to the skills and tools needed to not just succeed in life, but to be who they are and not what someone else thinks they should be.

[Sekhmet]

The problem is not changing my sex marker on my paperwork the problem is the way insurance handles lgbt folk in general.

People have also refused trans women life saving medical service after finding out about thier genitalia, when hearing about this my main problem was "what the hell why is that legal it's discriminatory"

They treat trans people like they're mentally ill. I wouldn't be surprised if they actually think trans/lgbt people are mentally ill.

I know what it's like, all too well. I have bipolar disorder. I live in Canada where they just passed a law to make it a lot easier to "euthanize" (mass murder) disabled and mentally ill people against their will. Doctors here enjoy carte blanche to neglect and abuse anyone who has a condition which carries public stigma. We have no recourse to sue them for damages.

It's discriminatory, that's for sure. Many people suffer terribly, including losing years of their lives at the hands of the medical profession, thanks to stigma and human rights violations. I could write a novel about some of my own experiences. And it's all perfectly legal. Doctors buy malpractice insurance and governments shield them from consequences.

[muesky6969]

The problem is not changing my sex marker on my paperwork the problem is the way insurance handles lgbt folk in general.

People have also refused trans women life saving medical service after finding out about thier genitalia, when hearing about this my main problem was "what the hell why is that legal it's discriminatory"

They treat trans people like they're mentally ill. I wouldn't be surprised if they actually think trans/lgbt people are mentally ill.

I know what it's like, all too well. I have bipolar disorder. I live in Canada where they just passed a law to make it a lot easier to "euthanize" (mass murder) disabled and mentally ill people against their will. Doctors here enjoy carte blanche to neglect and abuse anyone who has a condition which carries public stigma. We have no recourse to sue them for damages.

It's discriminatory, that's for sure. Many people suffer terribly, including losing years of their lives at the hands of the medical profession, thanks to stigma and human rights violations. I could write a novel about some of my own experiences. And it's all perfectly legal. Doctors buy malpractice insurance and governments shield them from consequences.

The crap that happens to those who identify as trans, is terrible, but I want to give you a bit of perspective from someone who has been around for a while. Some of the same thing many of you who identify as something other then traditional binary male or female were happening to gay and lesbians not even 20 years ago and although some of this still happens, but has gotten much better. There are laws being passed to protect LGBTQ+ and hell, it has only been since 2003 that gay marriage has become legal anywhere in the US but that is changing as well. Mississippi just made it legal.

My point is, keep doing what you need to do for yourself, organize with other in the community, because as a group we have a voice. And things are getting better, but it is a slow process, as bad as that sucks now, in the future it will be like with women's suffrage and interracial marriage, which was against the law in some states in the US up until 1967 when federal laws were passed. We as a people will look back and go WTF...

[Z-Dollman]

Agreed Muesky.

Just a minor correction though. Gay marriage has actually been legal nationwide since 2015. But some states refused to follow the law, such as Mississippi. Which I think was the last holdout?

And consider the recent ruling that was actually authored by a TRUMP appointee no less! The ruling that protects LGB AND T people from job discrimination.

There are TONS of anti-trans laws being passed across the country and most of the people passing them don't even bother to educate themselves or listen to experts. They just want to gain political points at the expense of lives. They are literally killing trans youth daily just to win elections.

I often hesitate to point out something because for people suffering still, it doesn't offer much comfort even though it should.

Being LGBT has gained acceptance in the US faster than any other persecuted minority. Persecution shouldn't have even been an issue, but thats how it is.

If you think about it, before 1974, being LGB was considered a "mental illness" in the form of people having some sort of 'sexual sickness'. As someone who has had to deal with both the stigma of being a part of the LGBT community AND having mental illness, its a hard struggle.

Ironically, and not in a good way, you will often find that people in one minority category are among the most intolerant of other minorities. You'd think it'd be the opposite. For example, I face more judgement and discrimination from other gay men for having mental illness than anyone else. Even among non-white folks, prejudice against LGBT people is higher than among straight cis men & women.

Sadly, there will always be discrimination and bigotry. But that doesn't mean its okay or that it should be accepted as 'normal'. I think its just important to look at the bigger picture, which I think is part of what Muesky was eluding to. Things are progressing at a fast rate and thats encouraging.

Of course when you are the one suffering from those things or struggling with your own form of acceptance it doesn't discount what you are going through. Its just motivation for you to keep on keeping on.